How to Feel Alive Again: Sensual Healing After Divorce

From the Podcast to the Page™
This post is inspired by Episode 25 of The Joy! A.A.C.T.™—where real conversations meet real healing.

Divorce can leave you feeling like you’ve been unplugged from life. The spark, the passion, that sense of aliveness? Gone. But what if reclaiming your sensuality—not just your sexuality—was the secret sauce to feeling whole again? That’s exactly what I explored with Darshana Avila, Erotic Wholeness Guide and somatic sex educator, who you might know from Netflix’s Sex, Love, and Goop. She’s on a mission to help women reconnect to their pleasure, confidence, and power—and this conversation will have you fanning yourself one minute and nodding “YES” the next.

Sensual Energy Is More Than Sex

The word “erotic” gets a bad rap. Some hear it and clutch their pearls, others think of late-night cable TV scenes. But Darshana flipped the script: erotic energy is life-force energy. It’s creativity, vitality, passion—it’s the juice that makes you feel alive. Sometimes it’s about sex. But it’s just as often about dancing in your kitchen, painting at 2 a.m., or throwing yourself into a project that lights you up. If it stirs your soul, that’s erotic energy at work.

You Deserve More Than “Fine”

One thing Darshana said that stopped me in my tracks: so many women settle for being “content enough” in their intimacy. You don’t know what you don’t know, especially if your sexual education started and ended with “don’t do it until marriage” or a ninth-grade anatomy chart. Coming out of a long-term relationship, you might think, I was fine before, I can be fine again. But fine is not alive. Fine is not joy. You deserve more than fine, and your body knows it.

Your Pleasure Is Your Birthright

Your pleasure is not optional. It’s not a favor someone gives you or something you have to earn. It’s your birthright. The problem? Most women were taught to focus on someone else’s satisfaction first, to perform instead of experience. Darshana’s work helps women relearn this truth: you’re not the appetizer or the supporting act. You’re the main course. It’s time to let yourself feast.

Reclaiming Your Voice

One of the biggest challenges women face after divorce is rediscovering their voice—in and out of the bedroom. If you’ve been silenced, ignored, or taught to be “pleasing,” finding your yes (and your firm NO) can feel terrifying. But learning to ask for what you want, to set boundaries, and to take up space is power. That confidence doesn’t just change intimacy—it spills into your career, friendships, and every relationship you’ll ever have.

Healing Through Pleasure

Grief, trauma, heartbreak—they don’t just live in your head. They live in your body. Pleasure can help release what’s been locked up for years. Darshana’s clients often find that moments of joy or ecstasy bring waves of long-buried grief to the surface, creating space for real healing. Sometimes pleasure isn’t just fun—it’s medicine for your soul.

Reclaiming your sensual self after divorce isn’t about prepping for the next relationship—it’s about falling back in love with you. It’s about knowing your body, your desires, your boundaries, and owning your pleasure without apology. Because you, my friend, deserve to feel alive again—not just “fine.” And trust me, when you start choosing joy, passion, and pleasure for yourself? That energy will change everything.