Mastering Your Dialog Game

Let’s set the stage: imagine you’re in the middle of rehearsing for life’s next act when suddenly, your phone lights up with your ex’s name. Cue the dramatic music. That wave of unease isn’t just a scene from your past—it’s your emotional script trying to rewrite itself. And guess what? That’s okay. Because communication after a divorce is personal. It’s meant to be.

But here’s the twist: the most important dialogue isn’t the one you’re having with your ex. It’s the one happening inside your head.

Scene One: The Internal Conversation

Picture this: I’m sitting at my desk, staring at a message from my ex, my pulse racing. That’s when I realized—the hardest conversation wasn’t with him. It was with me. My internal dialogue was running wild: “Why is he like this?” “Should I even respond?” “Am I doing this right?”

That’s where real communication begins—with the conversation you have with yourself. Before you can master post-divorce dialogue, you’ve got to rewrite your inner script.

Scene Two: The Self-Talk Triangle™

This is where the magic happens. Before you respond to anyone else, ask yourself:

1. Emotional Truth: What am I really feeling? Is it hurt, anger, fear? It’s okay to feel it.

2. Strategic Need: What do I actually need to accomplish here? Clarity? Boundaries?

3. Value Alignment: How do I want to show up? Calm? Confident? Dignified?

This triangle is your internal director, guiding you to stay in character—your best character.

Scene Three: When "Be Professional" Feels Impossible

Let’s be honest: telling someone to “just be professional” after your ex has pushed all your buttons is like asking an actor to improvise without a script. It’s not about suppressing your emotions—it’s about choosing how to express them.

This is where I introduce what I lovingly call The Bullshigiddy Buffer (because sometimes you need a laugh to keep from crying). When you feel your emotions boiling over:

• Pause and smile (even if it’s through gritted teeth).

• Ask: “Does engaging in this drama serve my healing?”

• Decide: “Will my response move me forward or keep me stuck?”

One client, Sarah, thought I was joking when I suggested smiling during tough co-parenting calls. But later, she admitted, “It didn’t change him, but it changed me. I don’t carry his energy with me all day anymore.”

Scene Four: The Art of Saying Nothing

Sometimes, the most powerful performance is silence—not the passive-aggressive kind, but the peaceful, intentional kind. Choosing not to respond isn’t weakness; it’s strength. Before you hit “send”:

1. Write the emotional, unfiltered version first (yes, all of it).

2. Walk away for ten minutes.

3. Edit with a clear head, focusing on what actually needs to be said.

Example:

• What I wanted to write: “You’re so disrespectful with these last-minute changes. Typical.”

• What I actually wrote: “I need 24 hours’ notice for schedule changes. Does 3 p.m. Saturday work?”

Staying on script doesn’t mean you don’t feel the emotions—it means you’re prioritizing your peace.

Final Scene: Your Communication Survival Kit

Every performer needs a toolkit. Here’s yours:

1. Reality Check: Feel your feelings, take deep breaths, and decide what matters.

2. Emotion Filter: Draft it raw, walk away, edit later.

3. Future Focus: Ask yourself, “Will this matter a year from now?” Then act accordingly.

Moving Forward With Grace

Remember, this isn’t about becoming a perfect communicator—it’s about becoming a present one. You’re allowed to have emotions, and you’re allowed to choose how you express them.

Start with honesty. Be kind to yourself. And if today feels hard, that’s okay—tomorrow is another chance to rewrite your script.