What We Can Learn From an 85-Year-Old Trying to Cancel Her AARP/New York Life Insurance Policy

A Simple Request, Met with Complications

My family has now sent three formal requests to cancel my 85-year-old aunt’s life insurance policy through the AARP Life Insurance Program, backed by New York Life. The latest request—signed and notarized by Aunt Jean—was faxed directly to their office and uploaded through their online system.

Just a few weeks earlier, we used the exact same process to update her phone number, email address, and physical address—without issue. The same POA, the same contact, the same system. But this time, we asked to cancel the policy.

That’s when things changed.

We received a letter from New York Life Insurance that read: "We were made aware that the above listed owner may have a possible cognitive impairment."

That letter also requested that a doctor declare her competent enough to request that her policy be cancelled. They didn’t question our POA or her cognitive state when we updated her address, phone number, email, or beneficiaries. It wasn’t until we decided to cancel the policy that it became a problem.

Three days later, we received another letter saying the documents we submitted via fax weren’t clear. And yet, when I spoke with a representative by phone today, she confirmed that she could clearly see the document—signed by my aunt—requesting the cancellation.

Understanding Capacity, Respecting Reality

Aunt Jean is 85. She is not managing everything on her own. Like many people her age, she’s experienced some cognitive changes. But she knows what she wants. She knows enough. She knows who she trusts to carry out her wishes.

There’s a fine line between protecting an elderly client and controlling what happens with their finances—especially when “protection” means disregarding the family members who have stepped up to manage that responsibility.

Knowing Aunt Jean

We’ve known for decades that Jean, like my father—her brother—wants to be cremated. Do AARP and NY Life know that? We know she likes fried catfish, loves our fresh squeezed orange juice, hates getting up early, loves her hair cut short and she's a night owl. We know she has an incredible sense of humor and has always been about social justice and equitable rights. Perhaps that's what makes this all the more frustrating... Jean would've fought like hell to help someone in this same situation.

Managing Finances With Dignity

As her Power of Attorney, we’ve helped bring order to her finances. We’ve overseen the payment of more than $10,000 in outstanding medical and credit card bills—from her own funds—because it was the right thing to do.

One of the first things we did was cancel the $65/month she was paying to AARP/Delta Dental. Aunt Jean has had full dentures for at least five years. But Delta Dental, AARP’s partner, didn’t seem concerned enough to ask whether she still needed that insurance. So, understand if we struggle with believing New York Life Insurance is any more concerned about Aunt Jean’s finances than Delta Dental was after all of her teeth were removed and they continued charging her.

We’ve also helped her cancel monthly contributions to Doctors Without Borders, donations to the Sierra Club, and payments to something called the Water and Air Act. And now, this AARP/New York Life Insurance policy.

The Company Line vs. Real-Life Context

In one letter, AARP/New York Life wrote:

"New York Life makes it a top priority to always look out for the best interests of our customers. That's why we follow strict guidelines to ensure our customers have the capacity to manage money and financial affairs in ways that meet their needs, and which are consistent with their values and self-interest."

That’s wonderful. Because we—her family and caregivers—are doing exactly that: making decisions that align with her values and her best interest. And one of those decisions includes canceling a policy she no longer wants or needs.

Who's Really Being Protected?

What’s not acceptable is the idea that a company, without any legal basis or intimate knowledge of her life, can presume to know better than we do.

Now we’ve submitted a notarized cancellation. And yes, we even sent their form to the local physician who has only seen her twice—while we continued to work to understand why it was needed or if the request was legal. It is frustrating that AARP of all organizations is part of this. This isn't protecting an elderly client it’s controlling what happens with their finances with total disregard to the family members who have taken on the responsibility of caring for her.

When my father got Parkinson’s-related dementia, he forgot to continue paying his life insurance. It lapsed. As a result, my mother didn’t get the $250,000. Nobody from the insurance company checked to see why payments were late, or whether there was a problem with a man who never missed a payment. They just let a policy he’d had for decades lapse.

So, no—I don’t believe AARP or New York Life Insurance have my aunt’s best interest at heart. I’m concerned that given the opportunity and the right amount of time passing, her policy would be declared “lapsed” and canceled with no payment and no return of the value as it now stands. And for the love of God, we’re talking about $4,500 that we didn’t even know she would receive.

A Cautionary Reminder for Women and Families

As someone who supports women navigating life’s transition after divorce, I’m sharing this because it’s not just about Aunt Jean. It’s about every woman trying to do the right thing for her loved ones… and hoping her loved ones are able to do the right thing for her when and if the time comes.

Like Nana always said, "If we're lucky, we will all grow old." Let's work so we can all do with dignity. We love you Aunt Jeanie.

#ElderJustice #RespectOurElders #AARP #NewYorkLife #POA #CancelThePolicy #ConsumerProtection