Preparing for the End— In Work and Relationships

I’ve been fired twice in my life, and while the experiences weren’t pleasant, neither came as a surprise. The first time, I worked in a toxic environment where I was labeled a “troublemaker” because I dared to speak up when management was doing things I found detrimental to the psychological well-being of the teams we led. The second time, I was let go because I refused my supervisor’s requests that would have had me out of compliance with state-mandated regulations. Both times, I knew being fired was a real possibility.

Whether it’s a job or a relationship, we can take steps to prepare for an ending. Here are three key things I learned from my experiences that might help you prepare, too:

Know Where You Stand

In both work and relationships, you need to take responsibility for understanding where you stand. At work, this means regularly checking in with your supervisor—don’t wait until there’s a problem. Ask for feedback on your performance and get clarity on your role.

Just like in a relationship, you need to know how your partner feels about the direction you’re going together. Are you both satisfied or are there concerns that need to be addressed?

Taking ownership of your role in both your job and your relationship by making sure you know where things stand is crucial to avoiding surprises later.

Be Ready Before There’s a Problem

When you take a job, use the early days and weeks to update your resume and LinkedIn profile. Nobody suspects a problem when a new hire makes updates to their job history. Read through your onboarding materials thoroughly to learn company policies and understand where to go if or when problems arise.

You should’ve done this before interviewing, but either way, review the company’s mission and vision statements. Once you’re on the job, note whether you see them in action. Do they walk the talk? Don’t just take mental notes—write down what you observe. Identifying if you are in alignment with what you see can be very helpful information.

In relationships, alignment means having important discussions when things are going well. Talk about things like finances, and whether you both want children and if so, what are your parenting styles? Discuss finances and even how you want to handle tough conversations What are the rules of engagement for disagreements? Determine them before there’s a disagreement. Couples therapy can be great for helping you bring these things to the surface and it’s ok to go to therapy before there are real problems.

Just like aligning with your company’s mission, you need to ensure that you and your partner are aligned in your values and expectations.

If issues arise, brainstorm solutions—whether at work or in your relationship. Maybe it’s training, a performance improvement plan, or moving to a different department. In your relationship, it could be therapy or adjusting expectations. Assessing alignment early allows you to slow down and approach road bumps with more confidence.

Speak Up and Stay Engaged

My mother used to say, “Communication is probably part of the problem in almost every relationship that isn’t working out.” I believe she’s correct. At work, you need to have clear, consistent, and constant communication with your supervisor. If something is bothering you, or if you feel like your performance isn’t where it should be, speak up and ask for help or feedback.

The same applies to your personal life. Make sure you’re communicating regularly with your partner. Don’t wait until it’s too late to voice concerns or ask how they feel about where you are in the relationship. Honest communication can make all the difference when challenges arise.

Trust That You’ve Done All You Can

Finally, if you’ve taken these steps—been accountable, aligned yourself with the right expectations, and communicated consistently—you can trust that you’ve done everything you could to maintain the relationship or job.

Preparing doesn’t mean you will feel ready if things don’t work out, it means you did what you could when you could. Being prepared also doesn’t mean expecting the worst—it means trusting you can handle whatever comes your way. If either come to an end, whether it’s your choice or theirs, you’ll avoid that lingering regret and second-guessing that often comes when a person doesn’t feel they did what they could have to support the situation on the front end.

When I was fired for the second time, I knew I had done everything I could do without compromising my integrity. Still, it was a tough pill to swallow because no one likes being fired. But I had something I want for you—the peace of mind that comes when you know you did what you could, and you have what you need to move forward either way.