Sleep, Stress, and Divorce: Why Your Brain Won’t Shut Up at 2 a.m.

From the Podcast to the Page™
This post is inspired by Episode 14 of The Joy! A.A.C.T.™—where real conversations meet real healing.

News flash: Divorce stress doesn’t clock out when you do. It climbs into bed with you, hogs the covers, and whispers every worst-case scenario in your ear just as you turn the light off. You’re tired. No, you're exhausted. But as soon as your head hits that pillow—boom—you’re wide awake, replaying conversations you didn’t even want to have in the first place.

Sound familiar?

Welcome to the stress-sleep cycle, where anxiety fuels insomnia, lack of sleep fuels more stress, and the cycle spins you straight into zombie mode. It’s more than “a bad night.” This is your mind and body waving a giant neon sign that says, Hey, we can’t keep doing this.

Why Sleep Matters More Than You Think

You’ve probably heard you need 7-8 hours of sleep. But here’s what no one told you: not all sleep is created equal. Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep is where the real magic happens. This is the stage where your brain processes emotions, softens the sharp edges of painful memories, and hits the “reset” button on your mood. Miss out on REM, and those heartbreak triggers hit like a sledgehammer instead of a tap on the shoulder.

Without enough quality sleep, you’re not just tired—you’re wired, moody, anxious, and one “just checking in” text from your ex away from losing it. And if you’re thinking you’ll “catch up on sleep this weekend”? Sorry, friend. Sleep doesn’t work like rollover minutes. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.

How Stress Hijacks Your Bedtime

Stress kicks your fight-or-flight system into overdrive. Your heart races, your muscles tense, cortisol (that pesky stress hormone) spikes—and your body is basically saying, Danger, danger! instead of let’s chill and dream of tropical beaches. Even when you’re exhausted, you can feel like electricity is running through your veins. And don’t even get me started on those 2 a.m. wake-ups where your brain decides it’s the perfect time to rehash every argument you’ve ever had.

Breaking the Cycle: Your Pre-Sleep Game Plan

You don’t need a total life overhaul to sleep better—you just need a few intentional changes:

• Declutter your bedroom. If half your bed is covered in laundry, your brain sees chaos, not calm. Clear it off and claim your space.

• Cool it down. Science says 60–67°F is ideal for sleep. Translation: crank the thermostat down and pile on cozy blankets instead of sweating through the night.

• Create a wind-down routine. Give yourself an hour before bed to unplug, breathe, read, or stretch. Let your body know it’s time to shift gears.

• Keep screens out of the bedroom. Yes, even the “just one more scroll” habit. Your bed should be for two things: sleep and sex. (And doomscrolling isn’t either.)

The Big Picture

Sleep is not a luxury—it’s your healing superpower. Without it, your emotional resilience takes a hit, your anxiety skyrockets, and every small stressor feels like the end of the world. With it, you think clearer, feel calmer, and maybe even stop crying at commercials (okay, most commercials).

Your divorce doesn’t define you, but it’s absolutely messing with your nervous system right now. Giving yourself permission to rest is not lazy or indulgent—it’s essential. Start small tonight. Declutter, cool the room, power down early, and see how your body responds. Because when you protect your sleep, you protect your peace. And honestly? That’s a boundary worth keeping.